LEPRECHAUN 2
Starts out a 1000 years ago. That ugly little bastard has captured some guy that had tried to steal his Lucky Charms or whatever. Tells him he will let the guy go in exchange for his daughter's hand in midget marriage. Dude plays him along long enough for his daughter to get away and the little turd kills him after telling him that he can get married again in another 1000 years and will fuck old boy's family up then. During the opening credits, 1000 years pass and the Irish in that family have moved to the US. In Hollywood, the cute girl has some douche of a boyfriend who gives people those star tours and his is kind of cool because it's a scary themed rip off. When we see him the first time he is trying to get Clint Howard and some lady on a tour. CLINT HOWARD FUCK YEAH!! So, Clint Howard, his woman and another couple go on a tour with the kid. While that goes on an old drunk who's passed out near a tree loses his whiskey to the powers of the Leprechaun and the booze brings him to life in the present. The kid gets busted for driving on a learner's permit during a tour and loses his girlfriend (Irish descent girl) to a total turd. The kid's drunk boss gets him out of jail and from here on out it's all about the monster trying to get the girl to be his bride and the girl's geeky fella trying to get her back. The little fuck has magic and can make you see shit that isn't there to trick you. For instance, he makes a kid believe he is making out with a hot topless gal but he's really putting his face into a lawn mower's blades. Not that cool though. You only see the shadow of that. Weak. Fairly standard slasher shit for the rest of the movie. The Leprechaun is one of those wisecracking villains too and I hate that shit. Yeah so, lame violence, lame story, lame movie. I found it hard to believe that this wasn't a straight to video movie. It really played in theaters? The girl was cute but the girl was a blonde. Lame.
PROS: Indy 500 mention and big ups for the Andy Kaufman graffiti in a mens room
CONS: Fuckin sucks.
LEPRECHAUN 3
I'm the kind of person who likes to experience something in full before I pass judgment but I swear I could tell what a miserable hunk of garbage this was going to be before the first two minutes were up. In this one some guy brings the little fucker in statue form to a pawn shop in Vegas. He's all freaked out and wants gas money to book town. Tells the guy at the shop not to remove the medallion around the leprechaun's neck. Dude does anyway and the fucker comes alive (TRILOGY OF TERROR rip) and goes on a rampage. In this, the protagonists are Tammy, a magician's assistant whose car breaks down and Scott, the doof who picks her up and gives her a ride to her magician's assistant job at a casino. The violence and gore are both much better in this one so I can recommend it on a small level for that. I might have enjoyed this one but the limericks, wisecracks, and magic assistant sub plot burned my ass up. I hate magic and magicians. That shit sucks. As much as I do enjoy watching people get smacked silly with shillelaghs and whatnot, I really can't recommend this overall but to say that in the case of these two movies 3 is greater than 2.
PROS: Violence and bloodletting are superior to 2.
CONS: Fuckin sucks.
These movies are fucked. I can see how they would trick someone who wants to watch a good scary show to watch them. And that's awful because these have nothing to offer any horror fan. Cheap bullshit effects, sub-par everything. And that ubiquitous monstrosity, the wisecracking horror villain. But the first one had Clint Howard and that was good for a couple of minutes. Anyway, if not for Sam daring me to do this I never would have seen these.
There you go, Sam.
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