Full of the Holy Ghost

Sunday, June 1, 2014

My first buzz.

I suppose that it makes perfect sense that some of us grow up to enjoy being stoned. We experience it early on. Spinning until you are dizzy, holding your breath until you pass out or huffing Super Elastic Bubble Plastic in your sandbox. This wonderful toy had acetates of several flavors and levels of toxicity in it. Smelled wonderfulllllll. I would sit out back all alone and blow bubbles with it and huff them right back up. I felt so awesome when I did that. All floaty and seeing wonderful colors in the air around me and just tripping the fuck out. Just me and Toby. The best St. Bernard who ever lived. I was with him in the sandbox the time he wanted to kill a meter reader. Mom was on the back porch doing laundry and heard this voice saying verrrrry soft, "Little boy...little boy...please go get your mother...PLEASE GO GET YOUR MOTHER". Then she heard me say, "Oh don't worry mister, he's just a puppy". She ran out back and there I was playing with my dope while Toby had the poor motherfucker pinned flush against the back of the house shaking and crying. Toby's monstrous drooling maw pushed into the small of the guy's back ready to bite in, grab spine and wrench it the fuck out for even DARING to come so close to me. Heeheeehee. Mom defused the situation and got the guy out of there. Toby stuck with me while I huffed my toy chemicals and floated back to 5 year old Trip Town. I graduated to weed 7 years later. Not sure when I stopped huffing the bubble plastic though.

My youngest sister and I with Toby. 1970. He would protect and watch over me while I would binge on bubbles.

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

16 years later and I still believe that Fred Durst should be beaten to death.

I just made it through about half of the new Limp Bizkit video. It is just as horrible as anything else they ever released. Most of the music I listen to is pretty high octane blasting so I don't believe at all that there is even a hint of a generation gap when I say that I just don't understand how anyone-now or in the 90s-would ever want to listen to that goddamned bullshit. It is not fun. It does not bounce. It has no ass.
I used to cook for a living. A horrible job. I cooked for quite some time at the Broad Ripple Brew Pub. A wonderful place. You should go there. I made it through 2 firings and the same amount of quittings-in-a-huff. I still go there sometimes and still love almost everyone I worked with there. But most of these people have the most godfuckingawful taste in music. Some of those folks listened to Limp Bizkit way back in the late 90s when I was there. And whenever that shit came on I would feel ill inside. Until they left and then I'd grab the offending cd and zap it in the microwave for 25 seconds. If you do this, it scrambles the data on the cd without distorting the thing. You'd never be able to tell by looking. Longer than that and you can see it's fucked. Such a simple thing and it will never be playable again. Had I not done that I would have lost my goddamned mind. Limp Bizkit and Phish almost always brought this reaction from me.
So yeah, I hate that band. This new video has Lil Wayne in it. I had never heard it before. Kid looks like a little tough guy so imagine my surprise when I heard his voice. All I could say was, "Wow. What a twerp."
I hate it. Not good at all. In the song, dude brags about still being the man after selling 40 million records. So what, McDonald's has sold billions and that shit is poison. Thanks for poisoning my ears, asshole.

PS: If I were Jessica Biel or Britney Spears I'd go stab that fuck in the balls for what he says about them in the song.